I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
