when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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