ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
