I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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