Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
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Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
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I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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