my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
