I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
