STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Fuck appropriateness.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
