No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
