She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
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I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
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Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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