im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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