LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
