After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
