every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
