and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
