i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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