He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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