have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
