i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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