she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
