I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
