you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
