I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize