im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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