saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i think i just lost a toe
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
