so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
And then he peed in my hair
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