My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
