you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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