I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
