he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
