Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
