no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
