Fuck appropriateness.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
