Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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