My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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