Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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