if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Let's get the cat blown out
Randomize
