wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
