I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
