I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
