found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
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Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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