Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
