I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
