Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
