its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
