Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
