I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
