I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
