you guys were way drunker than both of me
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
