GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
