Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
