You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
