I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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