I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
