I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
