I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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