i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
