I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
