it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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