I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
