Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
