where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
